Grief Is a Funny thing

I have chosen the verse that speaks tome for today and journaled about it.  You choose what verse speaks to you and journal it out in your bible, or in your sketchbook.

⁸ The prudent understand where they are going,
    but fools deceive themselves.

⁹ Fools make fun of guilt,
    but the godly acknowledge it and seek reconciliation.

¹⁰ Each heart knows its own bitterness,
    and no one else can fully share its joy.

¹¹ The house of the wicked will be destroyed,
    but the tent of the godly will flourish.

¹² There is a path before each person that seems right,
    but it ends in death.

¹³ Laughter can conceal a heavy heart,
    but when the laughter ends, the grief remains.

¹⁴ Backsliders get what they deserve;
    good people receive their reward.

You’ve seen her, we all know her…gosh, we might even be her. Her laughter dances on the wind, but never….quite…..reaches her eyes. Everything is fine and she is good, meanwhile she is dying inside.  In the quickness of our world, we ask, “How are you?” but don’t settle in to hear her response.  “I will pray for you” can fall out of our lips – a soothing balm with no intentionality behind it.  On this day, I want to proclaim that I am a bit “leaky” and tears are springing forward more than the laughter….

Grief is a funny thing, I have come to learn in the past year since loosing my Dad. He relocated to heaven a year ago tomorrow.  On this day a year ago, he rested in bed and our last conversations were spoken, on this side of eternity. A year ago, my Dad was a tangible presence in my life.  The strong man with the big forearms, the strong hands, the handsome man that all of my high school friends had crushes on- was a presence in my life. On May 18^th, 2015 that changed as I prayed my Dad into eternity. 

Grief lingers in your heart, tugs at your memories, manipulates your senses through song and sunsets, thunderstorms and the smell of the beach.  I remember my Dad, so he lives on in my heart.  But then, out of the blue, with seemingly no warning, grief pops up and out and you find yourself having to pull over on the side of the road because the tears are furious and unyielding as they spill out of your heart.

But God….but God made a way for us to grieve with hope. Hope is the expectation of goodness. My expectation of goodness, for the beginning of my Dad’s story, is that he relocated to a better place, where I will join him someday.  To be absent from the body is to be present with Christ.  (2Corinthians 5:8), my God promises me in His word. Grief overtakes me from time to time, but God made a way for all of us to grieve with hope. I think, that there is always a “But God” in the midst of our grief, whatever form that grief takes. God is ever present in our lives.  It may not look like we want it to, BUT GOD is with us and in control.  The strong vertical of the cross connects us to His throne of Grace. We get to live “On earth as it is in Heaven”, because our feet are stepping on Holy Ground, every minute of every day as we are connected to the Throne- through the Cross. Our feet, get to, trod where angels dance. God is in control, from His throne, so we don’t have to be. If your laughter isn’t reaching your heart, and reflected in your eyes, pray. Read through the Psalms – and cry out to God. He hears , He listens.  In my life, the moments that I am the most afraid, most unsure the Psalm are my go-to verses. I put my name, or the name of the person I am praying for in the text, and pray out loud for them. This reminds me of my attachment to His throne as the sweet aroma of prayers reacts with the grace of God 

I love you Dad. As a member of the crowd of witnesses you have taught us much. I remember the power that was locked in your mind and how you approached life with an undaunted spirit.  I appreciate that your life is a testimony that will speak to generations of the peril of addiction.  I love that the legacy you left your son is your faith. I love that I got to spend those last minutes with you as you released into glory. I love that you moaned when I took a breath, as I was praying beside your bed, in the last moments urging me on. I love the peace that was on your face as you passed and we spoke of Jesus and that every knee would bow. I love that I saw you release into Him, I love you Dad.  Happy Birthday, thank you for the lessons you left behind.

My Dad's Glory Clouds on the day of His passing.